


do you love her (like i do)

by alyciatheist



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9411194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyciatheist/pseuds/alyciatheist
Summary: ‘’They’re just kisses, Eva.’’ Vilde said one day, curled up against her. They spent many days curled up against each other in Eva’s bed like that. Just the two of them staring at each other.Eva didn’t know who the younger one was trying to convince more; herself or her.





	

_ someone told me stay away from things that aren’t yours  
_ _ but was she yours, if she wanted me so bad? _

__

 

Eva never hated parties. Eva never hated parties but lately she did. She hated the booze, she hated seeing people happy and kissing. She hated its music reminding her of the many nights spent just the same; just happier, just with a little bit more kissing.

Most of all, Eva hates the way Vilde’s blonde hair falls perfectly around her shoulders. She hates her obliviousness, her innocence. Her ability to make every single thing about herself. She hates the way she talks. She hates the way she doesn’t talk at all sometimes. She hates the way she lets other people walk right over her like she’s nothing but a ghost of a girl. 

She hates the younger girl for kissing someone that isn’t her. She hates the younger girl for looking at her at his precise moment with a look on her face that wasn’t meant to be hers at all. 

It could’ve been. If things had turned out the other way around. 

She took another sip of her drink, the taste was strong and it made her slightly dizzy. Noora was whispering something in her ear but she couldn’t quite seem to focus on it.

Magnus’s arms were around Vilde’s, trying to steady her. His face close to her face, kissing her lips softly. Eva thinks back to all the times the younger girl had kissed her back just like that. 

It was never meant to mean anything.

In fact, kisses don’t mean anything at all until that very moment they suddenly do. Until you get so caught up in someone’s mess you don’t even consider untangling yourself for a minute. Eva knows she’s in a dangerous territorium.  She has been here before so many times with Jonas. But Jonas isn’t Vilde.

He never looked at her as if she carried the whole  _ goddamn  _ world in her hands. It’s scary to have someone look at you that way knowing you’d give that person that precise whole  _ goddamn _ world if they asked you to. 

They knew they should’ve ended it the moment it had started back then. It wasn’t fair towards anyone; to them, Magnus, hell even Chris. Chris with his soft lips desperately hanging onto her every chance he got.  

Her and Chris never quite seemed to get past the making out at parties part though, or that’s what she told Noora anyway. She wasn’t ready to get involved with anyone just yet. 

It wasn’t a complete lie. 

But Vilde’s lips were placed eagerly against hers in the most uncommon places they could find around school all the same. Holding on to each other so tightly you’d think both were scared of the other letting go.  

She wasn’t going to get involved with anyone, but Vilde wasn’t just anyone and maybe that was the problem.

‘’They’re just kisses, Eva.’’ Vilde said one day, curled up against her. They spent many days curled up against each other in Eva’s bed like that. Just the two of them staring at each other.

Eva didn’t know who the younger one was trying to convince more; herself or her, but it had stung either way. They both knew it weren’t  _ just  _ kisses because _ just  _ kisses weren’t supposed to make you feel this way. Eva wanted to say as much but Vilde looked at her with such innocence that she knew it was unfair to put this on her. To ask her even. 

So they kept up their rhythm, finding more uncommon places to kiss, more places no one could find them. Where it was just the two of them. 

Then suddenly Eva wasn't the only one Vilde was kissing anymore and suddenly whatever they had build up was gone. 

Eva didn’t cry, telling herself that they were just kisses. Kisses that weren’t meant to mean something at all.

She tried kissing other people too but they never quite met her lips with the same intensity and eagerness the blonde girl did. However, Vilde was genuinely happy and Eva tried to be happy for her. It would have been selfish for her not to be.

Then one day Vilde was standing in front of her house. Babbling like drunk people do, saying sorry one too many times, her blonde hair wet from the rain that was falling desperately late November. 

Eva knew it was unfair to kiss someone who isn’t yours to have. She knew it was unfair to kiss someone who will never be yours.

Most of all, it was selfish. 

But Vilde was hugging her tightly, her mouth babbling something in Eva’s ear that came close to another round of apologies.   _ I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. _

It was selfish of Eva, that much she knew. 

But Vilde dragged her to Eva’s room and for a bit everything but the younger girl was forgotten, everything was okay.  It wasn’t supposed to be, but it was. It was in _ their _ way.

Vilde was kissing her on places she had never done before and Eva was a mess. She was selfish for wanting something that wasn’t hers. But is it really selfish if it felt this good?

‘’Jeg elsker deg.’’ It slipped and for a heartbeat Vilde was just looking at her; eyes big and curious. There were barely any clothes between them but Eva felt more exposed than ever.

Suddenly Vilde switched position making Eva almost fall on top of her. 

‘’Jeg elsker deg også.’’ The younger one whispered. She was looking at Eva with a look the older one couldn’t quite put her finger on yet. Vilde didn’t give her much time to dwell though as she was suddenly kissing her all over. And it was okay.

(It wasn’t.)

Of course it wasn’t but Eva slipped out of her t-shirt all the same. 

Of course it wasn’t but Vilde’s mind didn’t wander to Magnus. It didn’t when Eva kissed her neck making her body itch in ways she had never quite felt before. It didn’t when Eva positioned her leg dangerously close to a place that wasn’t Eva’s to make feel this way. It didn’t when Eva’s name echoed through the room dangerously close to a prayer.

It did when she woke up the next day with Eva curled up against her, holding her hand tightly as if she was scared Vilde would let go the moment she woke up.

Which she did because Vilde wasn’t a bad person. She didn’t play with hearts the way people had played with hers. Most importantly, she wasn’t a cheater.

Except she was.

She had told Magnus about the kisses because it were just that; silly kisses that didn’t really meant anything. But whatever had happened last night certainly did and Vilde realized there was no going back. 

That night Magnus’s lips were on hers the way Eva’s had but they weren’t quite as soft. They weren’t as guiding, as safe maybe.

‘’Jeg elsker deg.’’ His words didn’t come out as a shock. It wasn’t whispered as if the words were too big for even the walls to hear. Instead he was somehow confident, a sheepish smile upon his face.

He wasn’t looking at her like Eva had done. He wasn’t waiting for her to say it back. Maybe that was the worst of all of this. 

She knew he deserved to have it said back but she had given hers away just hours before. Saying it back now would have felt like cheating.

It was almost hilarious if she wasn’t close to crying, that is.

Ignoring Eva wasn’t something she was particularly good at, sadly Eva was. Vilde lost count of the days that were spent ignored by. She lost count of the days she hadn’t eaten. She lost count of the missed calls Noora left on her phone. She lost count of the many times Magnus told her he loved her. 

She hadn’t lost count of that one time she said it back. Eva’s eyes filled with an insecurity and vulnerability she wasn’t used to.

But Eva hadn’t looked at her like that for ages. In fact, she hadn’t looked at her at all.

Not until now, that is.

Loud music was filling her ears and Magnus hands were steadying her grip after one too many shots. All she could see was the older girl though, eyes filled with a hint of what seemed like a little bit too much vodka mixed with disappointment. Noora was whispering something in Eva’s ears and Vilde briefly wondered what it was about. 

Then the older girl began to walk towards her and it made her feel a  bit uneasy. She tried hiding behind Magnus which of course was a rather foolish thing to do. 

Eva had already seen her. In a way, Eva had always seen her.

She took her hand and dragged Vilde to the bathrooms like nobody was watching. Maybe no one really was. 

_ We can’t.  _

It was on the tip of her tongue. It really was. Instead she was looking at Eva with curious eyes. The older girl gently brushed a strand of hair from her cheek while still not saying anything at all.

Vilde’s mind wanders to Magnus for a split second; his soft strong hands holding her, looking at her without ever asking anything, not at all like Eva’s. Eva who looks at her almost begging her for about anything and everything in between. 

She then realized she must have looked at Eva the same way. Sometimes it scared her how they were both similar and different from each other.

It was wrong in every sense of the world and Vilde knew that but something inside of her wanted to kiss the older girl all the same. Eva had that effect on her, that nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that made her do and say things that were often bottled inside instead.

She stood almost frozen though, the sight of the older girl mesmerizing her. Eva’s lips were itching closer to hers every other heartbeat and it drove her almost mad.

She wants to say that they can’t but they both know that’s a lie. They both know they can. They have done it so many times before.

‘’Jeg elsker deg.’’ Eva says again. She doesn’t whisper it this time. She doesn’t expect anything back. She just lays her forehead against Vilde’s. Standing there for what seemed like hours.

And then Vilde kisses her like it’s the last time she will ever kiss her. 

Maybe it was, in a way.

They know just because they can, doesn’t mean they should. Just because they have done it so many times before, doesn’t mean they can again.


End file.
